Pieces
by ILoveTheCubs
Summary: Future Fic.  Alex is forced to pick up the pieces and move on after Izzie dies. To do so he must confront his own demons, and question his entire relationship with Izzie. All he keeps wondering is how could Izzie do this to him.
1. Chapter 1

Pieces

Chapter 1

"Alex." Meredith stood in the doorway to his room. She didn't know what to say to him, how to find the word to make any of this make sense. She'd come a long way in the past years, but at her core she was still dark and twisty. She'd forced Christina and Derek to come with her, and they hung back unsure if their presence was even a good thing. "Alex." She tried again.

"What?" He snapped and barely took his eyes of the textbook he was studying. He was lying stretched out on his bed, the book open in front of him. He'd heard them come up the stairs a few minutes ago, and he'd heard bits and pieces of the hushed conversation they'd had a few feet from his room. He'd heard Christina and Derek try and beg out, and Meredith order them to stay in that "do not argue with me" voice she'd mastered over the last couple of years. He knew they had they had news. He was pretty sure it was bad. Good news didn't require whispered conversations outside his door. "What?" He snapped again when Meredith hesitated and looked back to Derek and Christina before looking at him again.

Meredith hovered in his doorway without actually going into his room. She looked down at the cell phone she still had grasped in her hands. How she wished she'd had it turned off this afternoon so she wouldn't have had to get the call. "It's Izzie.' She finally said.

Alex's hand froze in the motion of turning the page. Good news never came from huddled whispered conversations in the hallway. He flipped the page and tried to keep reading. "Izzie." He repeated her name. He could honestly say he hadn't thought about her in awhile. They'd gotten married, she'd gone a little crazy, and she left him. It was the story of his life. "What about her?" He asked despite the fact he wasn't sure he wanted to know. It wasn't good.

Meredith looked down at the phone again and then took a deep breath. "She died, Alex, I'm so sorry."

Alex looked down at the textbook and fund the words a blurred jumbled mess. He slammed the book shut and sat up. "I don't care." He spit the words out and got off the bed and went to the window turning his back on his friends.

"Oh come on Evil Spawn." Christina interrupted incredulously. "That's crap. She was your wife. Even I care." Izzie had never been her favorite person. She found the blonde entirely too bright, cheerful, and optimistic to be useful. But she had done everything she could to save her life, and in the end Izzie had run off on all of them and then died anyway.

"That's right, I married her. I loved her and I married her. I gave her everything I had, and she left me. She left me in a Dear John letter, with an astronomical medical bill that I'm still paying off and divorce papers." He was yelling at them, and he'd managed to knock the contents of his bedside table to the floor.

"I know." Meredith acknowledged quietly. She went into his room and sat down on his bed. She rolled her eyes as Christina and Derek took the opportunity to escape. She'd wanted them to show a united front so Alex would know he wasn't alone. But deep down she knew Alex better than anyone did ; they were too similar for their own goods. "What she did to you sucked, and you deserved better."

Alex let out a defeated sigh and came to sit next to Meredith. "I thought she'd be the one to stay." He admitted. Izzie had known all about his baggage and is issues. She knew first hand just what kind of an ass he could be. They'd seen each other through their worst. He'd thought she'd stay.

"She left all of us." She knew it didn't make it any better. They hadn't all been married to her.

"Why didn't she call and let us know she was sick again?" His voice was rough, but he refused to cry. He wasn't going to turn into a freaking girl.

"Her mother said that it was very aggressive when it came back. It was very unexpected, her previous scans and tests were all good." While Meredith knew it was more than likely true, she also knew it was an excuse. She couldn't think of one good reason Izzie had to not tell them her cancer had come out of remission. She thought that they'd all meant more to each other than that.

"I don't care." Alex repeated in a whisper. He didn't care. He kept repeating that to himself silently. He'd lost Izzie years ago.

"Her funeral's day after tomorrow. Here in Seattle. She wanted…" She trailed off knowing that even though he kept saying he didn't care this next piece of news would sting. "She wanted to be buried next to Denny."

Alex let out a humorless burst of laughter. Wasn't that just freaking perfect. "Of course she did. He was the one great love of her life."

She didn't say anything. Saying she was sorry wasn't going to change anything. It wasn't going to bring Izzie back, it wouldn't erase all the ways she'd hurt Alex. She didn't say anything she just took Alex's hand in hers and squeezed hard. She'd sit with him however long he'd let her, because she couldn't be one more person who walked away.

!1

Meredith stood in front of the mirror in her bedroom. She was wearing the same black dress she'd worn to George's funeral. Her hair was pulled back into a simple ponytail. She just stared at her reflection in the mirror knowing they didn't have long before they had to leave for Izzie's funeral. First George and now Izzie.

"Hey." Derek came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her. He'd watched her trying to be strong and take care of everyone else since they'd learned the news. "You okay?"

She leaned back in his embrace. "I'm pregnant." Hostile uterus be damned, she was pregnant. She wasn't going to waste any time in telling Derek this time. She watched his reaction in the mirror as he digested the news.

"Really?" He spoke aloud the first thought to enter his mind. "That's…that's amazing."

She turned in his embrace and kissed him. "I'm really happy. I wasn't sure, you know." Wasn't sure her hostile uterus would ever allow her to get pregnant.

"I know." He held her tighter.

"I want to wait before we tell everyone else. This isn't the day. I just wanted you to know." She kissed him again, and led him downstairs, wondering how any of them were going to survive what the day held in store for them.

!1

"Alex!" Meredith called up the stairs for what seemed like the tenth time in ten minutes. "We need to go." She looked helplessly and Derek. The door to Alex's room hadn't yet opened this morning. He had barely spoken to anyone since he'd learned the news. He worked, he went to the Emerald City Bar, and he came home and closed himself off in his room.

He appeared at the top of the steps still in sweatpants and a black tank top. "I'm not going." He called down and turned to go back to his room.

"Stop being stupid, Evil Spawn!" Christina had just let herself and Owen into the Grey house. "You are going. So get dressed and lets go!" It'd barely been two days, and she'd hardly seen him, but she was already tired of him acting like a petulant child.

"Screw you, Yang!" He called out right before he slammed his bedroom door.

"That was effective." Meredith commented with a sigh.

"He'll be down." Christina said with a confident smirk.

!1

Alex stood between Meredith and Christina at the cemetery. Izzie had wanted a graveside service. So here they all were. Alex surveyed the people assembled. He couldn't say he was all that surprised by the number of people who had come out to say goodbye. Izzie had always been a people person. Only one was missing - Izzie's mother - so they were waiting for her. Meredith insisted she'd be here even if she didn't know the cause of her delay.

Bailey was there with Callie and Arizona. He knew Bailey was silently cursing the fact that she was another of her interns funerals. He knew this because she'd stood in front of himself, Grey, and Yang, and told them they'd better take damn good care of themselves because she wasn't doing this again.

He'd seen the chief and his wife Adele. Sloane, Little Grey, and April were there. He'd seen an assorted group of nurses. The oncology team who'd treated her in the beginning. They'd all walked by, nodded at him and murmured words of condolence. Some of them touched his arm gently.

Addison was the only one who had hugged him. She'd arrived with Bailey, Callie, and Arizona. She'd waited while the others had gone first. "Karev." She'd said his name briskly and then hugged her former intern tightly. She didn't say anything else, just hugged him tightly and stepped away.

He pulled on his tie and turned to Meredith. "If Izzie's mother is not here in the next two minutes I'm leaving." He muttered barely under his breath.

"If you don't see this through to the end you won't forgive yourself." She whispered back all the while scanning for Izzie's mother.

"That has to be here." Christina interjected, as she pointed to a woman rushing up towards them. She had a baby who couldn't have been more than a year old in her arms, and a large bag over her shoulder.

Alex narrowed his eyes as she came closer to them. He focused especially on the baby in her arms. There was no way to know for sure, not until someone explained, and there would be an explanation, but he knew. "If Izzie wasn't dead, I swear I'd kill her." He growled loud enough to garner shocked stares and quiet murmurs of surprise.

"Alex!" Meredith gasped and smacked his arm. What on earth would possess him.

Izzie's mother had now reached them and he could see the baby clearly. He just shook his head wondering how Izzie could have done this to him. "She had my baby. She freaking had my baby and didn't tell me."


	2. Chapter 2

_In the interest of full disclosure, I still after all this time love Addison/Alex, and Izzie has never been my favorite. I hope you enjoy!_

Chapter 2

After Izzie's funeral everyone had come back to the Grey house for a reception. Everyone was buzzing about the arrival of Izzie's mother and the baby Alex Karev was sure was his. Bailey had gently taken the baby from Robbie Stevens so the other woman could talk to Alex. "I hope you like fireworks." Bailey whispered to the baby and held her close as she cast a quick nervous glance towards the Grey kitchen.

!1

Alex stood in the Grey kitchen staring across the table at Izzie's mom, Robbie. Meredith and Christina still flanked him on each side. He was vaguely aware of Derek and Lexie moving around the kitchen preparing to take platters of food out to the people assembled in the living room.

"How?" Alex asked finally, not sure exactly what he wanted to know.

Robbie looked down at her manicure. Her psychic had warned her he'd be angry. "She wanted to be a mother. She thought she'd have more time. She was healthy." She tried to explain her daughter's motives.

"How." Alex demanded again. His already thin patience were on the verge of breaking.

"She used a gestational carrier and the eggs you'd fertilized right after her diagnosis." She said quietly still studying her manicure. She knew that wasn't what he wanted to know. He wanted to know why.

"How could she not tell him?" Meredith asked her arms resting protectively over her stomach. "How could she go through all of this and not tell any of us."

Robbie looked towards the door wondering where her granddaughter was. She wished they could make a quick escape. She finally looked at Alex. "Izzie said you didn't want to be a father. She said you weren't the guy who played catch and barbequed."

Alex narrowed his eyes at the description. He couldn't believe Izzie had used that against him. He'd confided to Izzie one drunken night that he didn't believe he could be that guy and so he'd pushed Addison away. "I willingly fertilized Izzie's eggs after her diagnosis. That should have said something pretty damn clear about my intentions."

"You gave Izzie a great gift." She acknowledged. Her daughter had never been happier than in her short time as a mother. She took a deep breath. "Ally and I will be going back to Shahala in the morning.

"You're going to let him know he has a kid and then take her away?" Christina asked. That was a harsh thing to do someone. Even if that someone was Alex Evil Spawn Karev.

She looked between the three standing across from her. "Izzie wanted me to raise her. A girl needs a mother, or at the very least a mother figure."

"She also needs her father." Meredith spoke up. She wanted Alex's daughter to have a chance at something she never did. "She's already lost Izzie. She's lost her mother. Don't take her father away from her too." She squeezed Alex's arm.

Alex found his voice again. "Izzie is not here to make unilateral decisions that affect all of us. She took the first year of my daughter's life from me, you're not taking any more." He stormed out of the kitchen leaving the three women to stare after him.

!1

Alex took his sleeping daughter out of Bailey's arms and headed upstairs with her under the guise of wanting to get her somewhere quiet and away from the chaos. Really he just wanted a few minutes alone with her. He wanted to look at her. Study her. He needed time to think and to try to make sense of the past few days.

He laid her down on his bed and put pillows around her to protect her from falling even though he had no intention of leaving the room. Alyssa Grace. Izzie had his child, his daughter and had no intention of ever telling him. Izzy had been the one to know all of his pain, all of his baggage. She was supposed to be the one who got him. The one who stayed. And she'd married him, left him, divorced him, and kept his child from him.

!1

Addison climbed the stairs quietly, wanting to make a clean escape. She'd seen Alex scoop his daughter up and disappear up the stairs about a half hour earlier. She could only imagine what he must be thinking and feeling. He'd found out Izzie had died and learned he had a child in the span of a couple days. They hadn't been close in awhile, but there was a time years ago when he was on her service that she'd been sure they'd understood each other in ways others didn't.

The door to his room was open, and she leaned against the doorjamb. She was content to watch him watch his daughter. He had always had a way with babies, and many times after a hard surgery or an especially rough shift she'd spot him in the nursery just watching the babies quietly. A few times she'd join him and stand quietly beside him, but most times she'd just smile and move on.

"Izzy was never going to tell me I had a daughter. She didn't think I'd be a good father." He didn't turn around, but he knew it was Addison in the doorway. The air always changed when Addison was close by.

"You have a chance to be a father Alex. What kind of father you'll be is up to you." She had faith in him. On her few visits to Seattle over the years she'd seen how he'd grown and matured.

"What if Izzie was right? What if I'm not cut out to be a father. Maybe the best thing I can do for her is to let Robbie take her back to Shahala." While he liked and was good at pediatrics, he'd never really believed fatherhood was in the cards for him. "I'm not ready." He'd had no time to process what was happening.

She crossed her arms over chest and watched him quietly for a minute. "I've spent my entire career around expectant parents. Some of them who had planned and planned for a baby. People who had nine months to prepare, to be ready, and you know what I've learned?"

"You're going to tell me anyway." She'd never had any problem telling him exactly what she thought. He cast a quick look over his shoulder. She was wearing her hair long again.

She just smirked. "Nobody's ever ready, Alex, no matter how much time they have to prepare. You just do the best you can." It was all he or anyone could do. Despite the numerous books written on the subject of parenting there was no real manual.

He finally turned fully to look at her. "What if my best isn't good enough?"

She finally pushed away from the door and entered the room fully. She came to stand next to him, and hooked her arm through his. She watched his sleeping daughter for a minute. "What if it is?"


	3. Chapter 3

_I hope that people are reading and enjoying this. I still love Addison/Alex -there was so much potential there._

Chapter 3

Alex stood outside the door to the resident's locker room. He closed his eyes and let out a deep sigh before pushing the door open. Addison had stayed on an extra few days, and had been letting him scrub in on her surgeries. The surgery they'd just come out of had been long and difficult but ultimately successful. While he'd been in surgery working doggedly to make sure mom and baby survived he'd been able to forget that today was the day Robbie was supposed to take his daughter back to Shahala.

He was halfway across the room to his locker when he caught sight of Meredith and stopped short. Meredith was sitting in a chair his daughter laying comfortably in her arms. "What's going on?" He dropped tiredly onto a nearby bench. The last thing he'd expected to find when he'd walked in here was his daughter snuggled up close to Meredith.

Meredith shifted Alyssa in her arms. "Robbie stopped by looking for you, but you were already in surgery. She decided Alyssa deserved a chance to be with her father." She stood up and put her in Alex's arm. "She said to call her if you have problems or you change your mind." She ran her hand over the baby's soft hair. "She did a huge thing. You should let her have a relationship with Alyssa too."

Alex just nodded as Meredith left the room. He looked down at his daughter and panic threatened to overtake him. He had no idea how to do this. He couldn't help but thinking that maybe it would have been best for everyone if he hadn't fought Robbie on taking her back to Shahala. He didn't know the first thing about being a good parent.

"Karev?" Addison opened the door to the locker room far enough to poke her head in to see if her former intern was still in here. "Karev." She said his name again and pushed the door open further. "I just wanted to let you know that I'm heading back in the morning." He'd been great on the surgeries she'd had while she was in town. He could have had a great future in neonatology, and she believed he'd be a wonderful pediatrics surgeon.

"I don't know what to do." He didn't look up at her. He just kept looking at Alyssa who was starting to squirm in his arms.

Addison came to sit down next to him on the bench. She reached into her bag and dug around for her keys before handing them to the baby to entertain herself. "I thought Izzie's mom was taking her home."

"She decided she needed her father." He'd gotten what he'd fought for.

Addison reached for the baby and gathered her close. "Hello, pretty girl." She cooed. Alyssa handed her back her keys and instead reached out for the necklace that Addison was wearing. "And now you're thinking you can't do this, right?" She met Alex's gaze.

"I live in a room in Meredith's house. I don't have any baby stuff. And I have a fulltime job with irregular hours. What am I going to do with her when I'm here?" That was just the beginning. He was sure he could come up with a hundred other things that he didn't have covered.

Addison gently unwrapped the baby's fingers from her necklace. "Meredith and Derek aren't going to kick you out. That you gives a place to stay while you look for something that is right for you and Alyssa. And you can buy baby stuff. Robbie probably left some of the essentials here."

"What about daycare?" Alex challenged her. He knew it couldn't be as easy as she was making it sound.

She shrugged. "Do what Bailey does. Bailey uses the daycare in the hospital. It lets her go downstairs and check on her son whenever she has free time. She goes down there and has lunch with him. You have people who will help you, Alex." She used his first name for emphasis. "What this little angel needs more than anything is for you to love her."

"She's a quiet baby." He commented not addressing Addison's comments. Izzie was rarely quiet.

"She's had a lot of upheaval." She dropped her keys back into her bag. She looked back down at Alyssa who once again had her necklace; this time in her mouth. "That taste good?" She asked the baby as she again took the necklace from her. She kissed the baby's chubby cheeks and handed her back to Alex. "Take your daughter home." She stood up, gathered her things, and left the locker room.

!1

"Addison?" Derek asked quizzically as he answered the door later that evening. "His ex-wife was the last person he expected to see on his doorstep. "Don't you have an early flight?"

"I do yes." It was a detail Derek wouldn't have known when they'd actually been married. "I'm not staying long. I just have some things for the baby." She held up the shopping bags she was carrying.

"Upstairs." Derek stood back to let her enter.

"Thanks." She climbed the stairs quickly. The door to his room was closed and she knocked quietly in case Alyssa was sleeping.

"Addison?" He hadn't thought he'd see her again before she left for Los Angeles.

"Can I come in for a minute?" She could see that Alyssa was in dead sleeping in the playpen that Alex had set up in his room. It made the already small room almost impossibly cramped.

"What is all that?" He eyed the bags she was carrying.

"Baby stuff." She saw him staring at the label of the expensive department store on the bag. "It's a gift. I wanted to do this." She told him before he could start an argument with her about how it was too much. She set the bags down and reached into one and pulled out a newspaper already opened to the classifieds. "That's for you."

"Thanks." He didn't tell her he'd stopped on his way home and bought a copy of the paper as well. "What'd you get the baby?"

"The essentials. Diapers, wipes, that kind of stuff. Some clothes. Things she can wear now and some that she'll grow into." She'd maybe gotten a little carried away as she'd gone through the aisles of pink and purple outfits. But she couldn't picture Alex Karev picking out dresses and sweater sets for the little girl.

"Thanks." Alex looked down at the bags and then at the woman standing in front of him. He surprised them both by stepping forward to hug her. "I mean it. Thank you."

She hugged him back briefly and then stood back. "If you ever need anything you can call. I mean I know I'm far away, but if you ever just want to talk." She walked to the door and turned back to face him. "You're going to be a good father, Alex."

He didn't know how to respond to the complete faith in him that she had. So he just nodded. "I'm going to try." He was going to take it one day at a time, do the best that he could, and hope it was enough.


	4. Chapter 4

I started this chapter awhile ago, and then sort of lost focus with it. A kind review from Darling Pretty helped me to come back around to finishing the chapter. Thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed or put it on their story alerts!

Chapter 4

Alex was up, showered, and dressed well before his alarm was scheduled to go off. He wasn't sure that had ever happened before. He had packed Ally's diaper bag with every conceivable thing she might need over the course of the day and was now sitting on the edge of his bed peering into the playpen where she was sleeping. They were going to work today for the first time. He had made all the arrangements with the hospital's daycare center.

He studied his watch carefully. They were well ahead of schedule. She could still sleep for awhile, and they'd still have time for breakfast before leaving. He took a deep breath. He could do this. He gave himself a silent pep talk.

A few minutes later he noticed that she was starting to stir awake. He scooped her up and was patting her back before she could cry and wake up anyone else in the house. "Okay. Let's do this little one." He whispered.

!1

Meredith poked her head into Alex's room an offer of help on her lips when she realized that the room was empty. She checked her watch; Alex didn't need to leave this early to make it to the hospital. She went down the stairs and into the kitchen pulling up short at the site that greeted her. Alex had Alyssa sitting on the counter and he was cleaning her face and hands. "You've fed her already?" She asked surprised. From what she could see Alex looked ready for the day.

Alex looked over his shoulder at Meredith. "Yeah." He tossed the moistened paper towels he'd used away and gathered up the baby.

"Do you need anything? Any help?" She wrapped her cardigan around herself. "You can ride in with us. I could go with you to the daycare." She offered. She moved further into the kitchen and went to the refrigerator to pour herself a glass of juice.

Alex downed the rest of his coffee. "We're good."

"You're good?" She asked. She hadn't expected some big emotional dramatic display from Alex, but neither had she expected this complete nonchalance for him.

"We're good." He repeated shrugging his shoulders. He reached for his bag and the bag he'd packed for Alyssa. "I'm dropping her off at daycare. Let's not make it into a bigger deal than it needs to be."

"Whatever you say." She shook her head and watched him leave the kitchen.

"He's going to work already?" Derrick asked Meredith as he entered the kitchen.

"Yup."

"I'm impressed he's handling this so well." He gave Meredith a quick kiss and moved to the coffee pot.

!1

"It's okay. We don't have to go in until you're ready." He whispered quietly to Alyssa. He had been standing outside the daycare unable to force himself to go in. He stared through the big glass window in at the other children and the teachers. Several other parents had come in, dropped their kids off with a kiss goodbye and left.

"Dr. Karev." A woman came out into the hallway and smiled kindly at him. "Why don't you come in?" She kept her tone gentle and quiet. Parents always had a hard time the first time.

"She's not ready." He held her a little tighter in his arms. Maybe he should have taken another day or two off work.

"She will be fine. We are going to take good care of her." She promised him and smiled encouragingly at him. "My name is Mary. I'm the head teacher. We spoke on the phone." She reminded him.

He swallowed hard and looked down at Alyssa who was happily chewing on the arm of the teddy bear she held. He cautiously entered the room and followed the teacher who had come out to get him to a brightly colored mat covered with toys. He hesitated and then sat Alyssa down on the mat next to Mary who had already taken a spot on the mat. "I don't know…" Alex started. He was ready to scoop his daughter up at the first sign that she wasn't happy.

She dropped her teddy bear and quickly reached for the nearby blocks and started banging them together delighting at the noise it made. "She's going to be fine." Mary promised him again.

"If she cries, or she doesn't like it… You'll page me?" He was aware that he should already be upstairs.

She looked up at Alex. "I promise, Dr. Karev."

He took a deep breath and started for the door. He took one last look at his daughter who was still happily playing with blocks before heading upstairs to start his shift.


End file.
